As pastors and leaders, our responsibility is
to be reflective, responsible, and redemptive
in our prayers and advocacy.
Survivors need safe places, safe leaders, and safe churches.
Pastor Gricel Medina
to be reflective, responsible, and redemptive
in our prayers and advocacy.
Survivors need safe places, safe leaders, and safe churches.
Pastor Gricel Medina
Caring for the Victim
The objective of this page is to help the church understand the mindset of the victim, how to take care of the victim during the investigation process and helping the victim get the needed resources for complete healing.
A victim may come forward immediately, after the first occurrence of abuse, or they may have been manipulated into a long-term abusive relationship. It may even be a situation of abuse that occurred in the past. In any case, the victim will likely be in a state of confusion, a fog. They need very special, tender care. They are likely still consumed with feelings of guilt and shame. The abuser may have convinced him/her that it's their fault and that they are to blame for their abuse. Their self-confidence is all but gone. It's important not to sin-level by assuming it was a consensual relationship or affair, even if it looks voluntary. It's also important not to ask questions that imply the victim is in any way responsible by her behavior, by the way she dressed, etc. No victim blaming. It's important to communicate that the victim is in no way responsible for the inappropriate behavior and boundary violation of the abuser.
It's important to understand why a victim is hesitant or afraid to report. Wade Mullin, @wademullen, says a victim has a number of motivations for NOT telling, for not coming forward (read more).
The object of responding to and investigating an abuse report is to get to the truth and take appropriate action. The church leadership should care for everyone involved. Therefore, the church leadership should encourage the complainant to get legal counsel and to have someone they trust with them at all meetings and interviews. It's mentioned as part of the investigating process, but the church abuse response team must immediately determine if the victim is injured or in immediate danger and notify the necessary authorities and get them medical attention. To properly care for the victim, church leadership must be sure he/she is safe.
Do not ask the victim to sign anything before they've have an opportunity to consult with their legal counsel first.
It's important to provide professional therapy for the victim as soon as possible. Check out this RAINN page - How Can Therapy Help? The church should cover the expense of therapy for the victim when clergy or church leadership is involved. The pastor nor counseling staff at the church should treat the victim of church-related sexual abuse.
It's important to understand that victims of abuse, even if they think they participated voluntarily, are traumatized. This is a good resource to read and understand how victim trauma affects investigations. Trauma Informed Interviewing
In another article/post, Ashley Easter, a survivor of abuse by a spiritual leader, shares four ways that churches sometimes fail abuse victims and suggests what to do instead. 4 Common Ways Churches Fail Abuse Victims and What to Do Instead
From A Guide for Friends & Family of Sexual Assault Victims. How you can help.
Effective communication is important to a victim’s well-being. If you are wondering what you can do, here are some suggestions:
"Remember that trauma victims initially find words difficult--not just theirs but yours too. They cannot receive many. We want to give them truths from Scripture thinking it will help. It will overwhelm - which feels like trauma all over again and they will flee. The work is very slow." Diane Langberg, PhD
A victim may come forward immediately, after the first occurrence of abuse, or they may have been manipulated into a long-term abusive relationship. It may even be a situation of abuse that occurred in the past. In any case, the victim will likely be in a state of confusion, a fog. They need very special, tender care. They are likely still consumed with feelings of guilt and shame. The abuser may have convinced him/her that it's their fault and that they are to blame for their abuse. Their self-confidence is all but gone. It's important not to sin-level by assuming it was a consensual relationship or affair, even if it looks voluntary. It's also important not to ask questions that imply the victim is in any way responsible by her behavior, by the way she dressed, etc. No victim blaming. It's important to communicate that the victim is in no way responsible for the inappropriate behavior and boundary violation of the abuser.
It's important to understand why a victim is hesitant or afraid to report. Wade Mullin, @wademullen, says a victim has a number of motivations for NOT telling, for not coming forward (read more).
The object of responding to and investigating an abuse report is to get to the truth and take appropriate action. The church leadership should care for everyone involved. Therefore, the church leadership should encourage the complainant to get legal counsel and to have someone they trust with them at all meetings and interviews. It's mentioned as part of the investigating process, but the church abuse response team must immediately determine if the victim is injured or in immediate danger and notify the necessary authorities and get them medical attention. To properly care for the victim, church leadership must be sure he/she is safe.
Do not ask the victim to sign anything before they've have an opportunity to consult with their legal counsel first.
It's important to provide professional therapy for the victim as soon as possible. Check out this RAINN page - How Can Therapy Help? The church should cover the expense of therapy for the victim when clergy or church leadership is involved. The pastor nor counseling staff at the church should treat the victim of church-related sexual abuse.
It's important to understand that victims of abuse, even if they think they participated voluntarily, are traumatized. This is a good resource to read and understand how victim trauma affects investigations. Trauma Informed Interviewing
In another article/post, Ashley Easter, a survivor of abuse by a spiritual leader, shares four ways that churches sometimes fail abuse victims and suggests what to do instead. 4 Common Ways Churches Fail Abuse Victims and What to Do Instead
From A Guide for Friends & Family of Sexual Assault Victims. How you can help.
Effective communication is important to a victim’s well-being. If you are wondering what you can do, here are some suggestions:
- Remain calm. You may feel shocked or outraged, but expressing these emotions to the victim may cause confusion or discomfort.
- Believe the victim. Make it clear that you believe the assault happened and that the assault is not her or his fault.
- Give the victim control. Control was taken away during the assault. Empower the victim to make decisions about what steps to take next, and try to avoid telling her or him what to do.
- Be available for the victim to express a range of feelings: crying, screaming, being silent, etc. Remember, the victim is angry with the person who assaulted her or him and the situation, not with you. Just be there to listen.
- Assure the victim of your support. She or he needs to know that regardless of what happened, your relationship will remain intact.
- Avoid making threats against the suspect. Threats of harm may only cause the victim to worry about your safety and risk of arrest.
- Maintain confidentiality. Let the victim decide who to tell about the assault.
- Encourage counseling. Give the victim the hotline number for the nearest rape crisis center, but let the victim decide whether or not to call.
- Ask before offering physical support. Asking “Can I give you a hug?” can re-establish the victim’s sense of security, safety, and control.
- Say what you can guarantee. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, such as saying the victim will never be hurt again, or that the offender will be put in jail.
- Allow the proper authorities to deal with the assault. Confronting the person who committed the sexual assault may be harmful or dangerous. Attempting to investigate or question others who may know about the assault may hamper a legal investigation. Leave this to the proper authorities.
- Be patient and recognize that healing can take years with advances and setbacks.
"Remember that trauma victims initially find words difficult--not just theirs but yours too. They cannot receive many. We want to give them truths from Scripture thinking it will help. It will overwhelm - which feels like trauma all over again and they will flee. The work is very slow." Diane Langberg, PhD
Other Resources for Caring for Clergy Abuse Victims After Discovery
Sexual Abuse by Church Leaders and Healing for Victims by CAROLYN HOLDERREAD HEGGEN
This Document is written for the Mennonite Church but has great advice and information
victim care - written by a mental health therapist who specializes in recovery from trauma.
How You Can Help Someone Recovering From Abuse
Healthy Ways to Help Sexual Abuse Survivors in Your Church
by Susan M. Clabaugh
What to Say to Someone who Shares a Sexual Assault Story with You
by Christen A. Johnson, Chicago Tribune
How to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Trauma
Sexual Assault: A Trauma Informed Approach to Law Enforcement First Response - YouTube
Trauma and the Brain
Sexual Abuse by Church Leaders and Healing for Victims by CAROLYN HOLDERREAD HEGGEN
This Document is written for the Mennonite Church but has great advice and information
victim care - written by a mental health therapist who specializes in recovery from trauma.
How You Can Help Someone Recovering From Abuse
Healthy Ways to Help Sexual Abuse Survivors in Your Church
by Susan M. Clabaugh
What to Say to Someone who Shares a Sexual Assault Story with You
by Christen A. Johnson, Chicago Tribune
How to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Trauma
Sexual Assault: A Trauma Informed Approach to Law Enforcement First Response - YouTube
Trauma and the Brain