"Silence in the face of evil is itself evil.
God will not hold us guiltless.
Not to speak is to speak.
Not to act is to act."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
God will not hold us guiltless.
Not to speak is to speak.
Not to act is to act."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Why do we need to make church unattractive to predators?
Predators are attracted to and target churches. According to this article by Tim Challies, pastor and author, Deepak Reju, says in his book, On Guard, he learned that there are at least six reasons why sexual predators specifically target churches:
According to this article by Eric Barker, many predators are drawn to the career of clergy. Why? Well, according to Joe Navarro, in this Psychology Today article, there are a number of reasons:
Predators are attracted to and target churches. According to this article by Tim Challies, pastor and author, Deepak Reju, says in his book, On Guard, he learned that there are at least six reasons why sexual predators specifically target churches:
- Christians are naive about sexual predators. Some sexual offenders state it outright—they go after churches because Christians tend to be naïve. Anna Salter says, “If children can be silenced and the average person is easy to fool, many offenders report that religious people are even easier to fool than most people.” Reju says, “Christian are, generally speaking, trusting folks.
- Christians are ignorant of the problem. Christians are not only naïve, but also ignorant—ignorant of the problem of abuse and the extent of the problem within faith communities. Many Christians consider it unlikely or impossible that abuse could happen within their church, so they fail to take adequate measures, they ignore warnings and they disregard reports.
- Churches offer sexual predators access to children. Perhaps most simply of all, churches offer access—and often very easy access—to children. Reju says this well: “Because churches are always looking for help with children’s ministry and often are facing shortages of volunteers, sexual offenders know that churches are desperate.
- (Many) Christians abuse authority. Sometimes authority is put in the hands of evil individuals who then abuse that authority by taking advantage of others. Christians are rightly taught to submit to authority, but not always warned that there are situations in which authority can and must be defied. “Child abusers will use positions of spiritual authority to gain access to children and abuse them.
- Churches can be manipulated by sexual predators. Church offers religious roles or language that abusers can manipulate to accomplish their ugly purposes. Child abusers often use church-based roles in order to provide rationale and cover for their abuse. An offender may take on a role like Sunday school teacher, nursery worker, youth minister, camp supervisor or pastor in order to gain the position he or she needs to access children. He may “also use religious language to confuse a child’s understanding of God, sin or faith. An offender might tell a child that he is loving the child when in fact he is abusing him.
- Churches offer "cheap" grace. Sometimes abusers are caught, but even then they may get away with their crimes. Abusers count on receiving cheap grace—grace that comes far too freely and with far too little cost. “Abusers are not dumb. They know that if they cry, offer words of contrition and promise never to do it again, they are very likely not to have to face significant consequences.
According to this article by Eric Barker, many predators are drawn to the career of clergy. Why? Well, according to Joe Navarro, in this Psychology Today article, there are a number of reasons:
- Predators have access to a ready/available pool of potential victims. Within a religious order, those potential victims are identified for the predator, who knows how often they will get together and where (Sunday worship service at 11:00 am, at the local chapel, for example).
- Some religious organizations require members to expose their faults, sins, or frailties in public. This is “manna from heaven” for predators who then use that information to better access or target their victims. Information like that serves to provide all the exploitable weaknesses a predator needs. As one predator told me, “With that kind of information I know exactly who to target and when.”
- People gossip in most organizations, and in religious organizations it is no different. These informal social channels can be very effective in divulging who got promoted and has extra cash; who is going on vacation; whose spouse is overseas for seven months; who is naïve or gullible: who needs financial help; or who is having marital problems and is now lonely or vulnerable
- Within a religious organization, individuals of different social strata associate with one another with greater ease than in society. This gives the predator of low social status access to people who often live and socialize within restricted or gated communities and who otherwise would be impossible for them to target.
- Many religious organizations preach forgiveness, even for felonies. For predators this is truly a godsend. This means that if they get caught, they can ask for forgiveness and chances are it will be given, in a pious but naive effort to help the lawbreaker “learn from his mistakes.” Unfortunately, the predator sees this as an opportunity to sharpen his skills and to do his crime again, perhaps this time more carefully
- Because religious organizations preach brotherly love, even when someone has done horrific crimes, there will be those gullible enough to defend the predator or willing to look the other way.
- Another advantage for the predator in a religious organization is that if caught, he or she can very conveniently say it was “Satan's” fault. Whether cheating, taking advantage of the elderly, conducting financial shenanigans, or even abusing children, the predator merely has to say that the “devil” tempted him or her and that’s that. Predators know they can rely on a certain portion of the population to buy into that argument, and so they use it.
- If the predator is in a position of authority within a religious organization, he or she can claim persecution by the “enemies” of the church or the organization. Any outside scrutiny subjecting the predator to the sanitizing rays of light is thus characterized as, “them,” the unbelievers “against us.” This often compels the group to “circle the wagons” in support of their leader. And of course they will argue that it is we the “outsiders,” who are distrusting of the leader/predator, and who don’t understand, because we simply don’t have “faith,” or we are (the more trendy) “haters."
- If the predator becomes a leader within the organization, or if lucky, becomes the head of a church or religious group, then he or she is immediately cloaked with power and authority (moral power) that mere corporations don’t have. Keep in mind that most people still have a high respect for their church leaders and are willing to give them greater latitude and the benefit of the doubt.
- Predators soon realize that the ability to invoke a deity in their defense is a powerful card to hold that trumps all other arguments. They can always say, “I was moved by the lord,” to do this or that, “I was commanded by God to,” do this or that, or “it is the will of the lord,” to do this or that. That is a tough, faith/emotionally-laden argument that is difficult to refute; especially for believers that are already vested having spent time and money in an organization. Thus the rape of children is justified merely by invoking the ostensible desire and will of a deity. And let’s be clear, predators love that they can do that.
- There is, it should be noted, no religion or sect that screens for psychopathy as defined by Robert Hare that I am aware of. All you need is to be ordained, or you declare yourself a religious leader and the way is clear for the predator. And so while some organizations, such as in law enforcement, screen for pathologies by using psychometric tools, very few religious organization do so. Which is why the predator would benefit from joining or leading such an organization. Across the planet, there is almost no scrutiny or due diligence that is or will be conducted. To connive, or to “con,” the predator merely needs his victim to have faith and trust in the predator something that is often easily achieved with the vestments of a legitimate religious organization.
- To be a predator is to overvalue yourself at the expense of others – a key component of both the pathologically narcissistic and the predator. Here is where a predator has an advantage because in a religious organization, this overvaluation of self is potentiated by the title that is either conferred, that comes with the office, or bestowed through ordination. For the predator, it is tantamount to being told, “you are” therefore “you can.”
- Predators know or soon learn that society tends to revere and not question religious authority.
- Parents may be more trusting of a religious leader than of the average person. As history has taught us, they may dismiss allegations made by their own children as to sexual abuse by a religious leader or they will remain quiescent so as to not “rock the boat.” It is very tough for parents, especially those from humble background or who are deeply religious, to go up against a popular or charismatic leader, “the church” or a large, well-financed religious order. Often, as we now well know, the fear of retribution, being ostracized or socially marginalized, or excommunicated keeps victims and parents silent.
- In most cultures, children pay deference to authority figures, especially religious ones. Knowing this, the predator can almost certainly count on children abiding by their sordid requests and keeping such matters “secret.” There is ample evidence of this from history, social psychology, and thousands of lawsuits.
So, how can we make church unattractive to predators?
First and foremost, you must accept that predators are in our churches and church leadership. No more denial. Admit that churches have failed to protect the sheep. Admit that there have been cover-ups.
Second, you must understand that the responsibility for a safe church is everyone’s responsibility, not just the leadership. From the elders, to the pastors, to the congregation, it’s everyone’s responsibility.
Third, realize that unsafe churches are often the ones unwilling to openly discuss abuse, educate on abuse, or implement policies to address abuse. This cannot be a forbidden subject, or considered gossip, to talk about for staff or congregation. Abuse of all kinds flourishes when ignored or kept hidden by discouraging open discussion.
Here is a list of ideas that help make a church safe. No one idea is enough. It takes a system to address abuse in the church.
- Understand what abuse is. Abuse takes many forms, including verbal, emotional, spiritual, sexual, and physical. All forms must be included in the ideas listed hereafter. Victims of abuse include children, adolescents, young adults, and often adults.
- Understand that anyone you know could be unsafe, an abuser. Dangerous people don’t always look dangerous. They are often charming. They are tricky and sneaky, so you have to know what to look for. Denial that someone could be up to something doesn’t keep a church safe. Remember scripture says there will be wolves in sheep’s clothing. Be discerning.
- Bring in an outside organization that specializes in making church safe from abuse.
Jimmy Hinton Online
Speak Your Light Training
FaithTrust Institute Training and Consulting
- Do your research. Know the tactics of abusers. Learn about narcissists and bully tactics. Learn what these terms are: grooming, gaslighting, flying monkeys, mirroring, love-bombing and narcissistic supply. These are how predatory abusers and bullies operate. Learn to recognize them.
- Listen to every podcast from Jimmy Hinton and his mother, Clara, at JimmyHinton.org Jimmy's pastor father is a convicted pedophile.
- Read every article by Wade Mullen at wademullen. Follow Wade on Twitter https://twitter.com/wademullen
- Post your safety statement, policies, procedures & practices on your website or at least make them available to anyone who wants to see them. Let your church know you will report abuse and abusers. Let your church know there is zero tolerance for abuse.
- State that any staff member who sexually harasses or assaults will be openly fired without benefits and reported to authorities. All staff and congregants will be notified of the reason for their immediate dismissal.
- Show your church that women are respected and valued. Have women in leadership and in respected positions in your church.
- Have a staff member or volunteer designated to study abuse awareness and prevention. He/she will keep the pastor and staff informed on abuser tactics and recommended safety policies, procedures, and practices.
- Have staff and volunteers attend regular training pertaining to abuse awareness & safety and how to relate to & care for survivors in your church.
- Have safety training for the congregation.
- Encourage congregation to keep an eye on the safety of children and the vulnerable.
- Set up a task force with staff members and volunteers, including survivors, to learn and educate your church about abuse in the church.
- Involve survivors in decisions to keep your church safe. From their abuse, they know what will hurt and what will help.
- Get advice and seek the counsel of women as you set up your safety policies, procedures and practices.
- Have a proper understanding of grace. Grace doesn’t nullify justice. Understand that to keep your church safe, you need to report criminal behavior even if it’s someone you know and love that committed a crime.
- Agree that you cannot handle abuse problems in your church internally. Know when to involve outside authorities. Know when to call the police. NO MATTER WHO IT IS. Predators will play on your sympathy and garner loyalty to keep you from reporting. Commit to report criminal behavior in your church.
- If there is an abuser in your church that you’ve been protecting, an abuser that has broken the law, call the authorities. You must report.
- Know the signs of abuse. Of child abuse and of domestic abuse. Know that not all abuse is physical. There are emotional signs, too.
- Victims of abuse need to be referred to trauma specialized therapists.
- Understand you have abuse victims in your church body, in the pews on Sunday mornings.
- Pastors, understand that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in your congregation have been abused. Be aware of how you use scripture and how it could affect the abused.
- Preach against abuse from the pulpit.
- Have a resource list that includes a list of survivor support groups in your area.
- Invite survivors to speak in your church service. Devote several services a year to the topic of abuse.
- Read The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships by Gretchen Baskerville. Every pastor should read this book to get a glimpse of and understand the problem of domestic violence in Christian marriages.
- Follow the key steps to protect children listed in this article.
- Hiring Pastors. Hiring a safe pastor is essential to church safety. Unfortunately, within the church environment, studies show pastors are a likely abuser. The articles above express why predators seek clergy positions. Our Statistics Page shows the reality of their abuse. So prudent attention to hiring is essential. Brad Sargent put together this great article for reference -- Conducting a Pastoral Search: Questions and Preparation for the Team
Finally, understand that if a church, particularly individuals in leadership, are unwilling to discuss or take action to make their church safe from abuse, then that church and/or its leadership is most likely unsafe and you should prayerfully consider finding a new church.
Books
Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church
by Diane Langberg
Something's Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse and Freeing Yourself from It's Power
by Wade Mullin
A Church Called TOV: Forming a Goodness Culture that Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing
by Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer
The Devil Inside
by Jimmy Hinton
The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide by Basyle Tchividjian & Shira M. Berkovits
On Guard: Preventing and Responding to Child Abuse at Church by Deepak Reju
Myths We Believe, Predators We Trust:
37 Things You Don't Want to Know About Abuse in Church (But You Really Should)
by Sarah McDugal & Daron Pratt
Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists and Other Sex Offenders
by Anna C. Salter PhD
When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse
by Chuck DeGroat
The #MeToo Reckoning: Facing the Church's Complicity in Sexual Abuse and Misconduct
by Ruth Everhart
We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis
by Mary E. DeMuth
Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church
by Diane Langberg
Something's Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse and Freeing Yourself from It's Power
by Wade Mullin
A Church Called TOV: Forming a Goodness Culture that Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing
by Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer
The Devil Inside
by Jimmy Hinton
The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide by Basyle Tchividjian & Shira M. Berkovits
On Guard: Preventing and Responding to Child Abuse at Church by Deepak Reju
Myths We Believe, Predators We Trust:
37 Things You Don't Want to Know About Abuse in Church (But You Really Should)
by Sarah McDugal & Daron Pratt
Predators, Pedophiles, Rapists and Other Sex Offenders
by Anna C. Salter PhD
When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse
by Chuck DeGroat
The #MeToo Reckoning: Facing the Church's Complicity in Sexual Abuse and Misconduct
by Ruth Everhart
We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis
by Mary E. DeMuth
Additional Articles
Abusers look for opportunities more than vulnerabilities
by Jimmy Hinton
When I go to churches and other organizations to train, my goal is not just to reduce vulnerabilities. While that’s important, my main goal is to train people to detect deception and intervene. Many people ask me for a checklist of things to look for in an abuser, and it really is not this simplistic. Abusers are dynamic; always changing, observing, and looking for opportunity. As soon as we create a checklist of “red flags,” they’ve already adapted and have found 100 more opportunities to abuse in 100 different ways. The good news is that if we rethink the way abusers operate, we can begin to see their “tells.”
My father once told me, from prison, that he can spot another pedophile within 30 seconds of walking into a crowded room.
Asked how he can do this with such ease, he answered, “Easy! I just watch their eyes.”
The Pedophile in the Pulpit: How a Respected Pastor Abused Hundreds of Children for 40 Years
Keeping a Church Staff Safe
A Safe Place
by Pastor Gricel Medina and Ryan Ashton
18 Ways Churches can Fight Sexual Assault
by Ruth Everhart, The Christian Century
6 Principles for Guarding Churches Against Predators
by Gricel Madina, CBE International
Church Administrative Professionals - Article on Sexual Harassment Prevention
Helping Churches Conduct Business with Excellence
9 Anti-Abuse Practices Your Church Needs To Adopt
What We Long for the Church to Do about Sexual Violence:
Four practical steps churches can take to eliminate sexual violence.
by Sally Schwer Canning and Tammy Schultz
Boz Tchividjian: A Godly Response to Abuse in the Church Environment
As recent scandals have shown, whether Catholic or Protestant, mainline or evangelical, mega church or home church,
abuse is a reality across the Christian world.
How can churches create a culture where the most vulnerable among us are safe,
where victims are heard and healed, and where abuse is not tolerated?
5 Ways Churches Can Curb Sexual Abuse
by Terrell Carter
The National Association for Christian Recovery - Things a Church Can Do
There are LOTS of things a local church can do to not be a passive bystander in the face of abuse.
Preventing and Responding to Clergy Perpetrated Sexual Abuse
A Guide to Best Practices
David K. Pooler, Ph.D., LCSW, Diana R. Garland School of Social Work / Baylor University
Strategies for Preventing Clergy Sexual Abuse
by Diana R. Garland School of Social Work / Baylor University
Why Chaperoning Abusers in Church is Unwise
by Jimmy Hinton
Leaders, Talk About Power to Protect the Vulnerable
by Chris Davis
Bystanders Protecting Children from Boundary Violations and Sexual Abuse Training
Darkness to Light
In just 30 minutes, learn what it means to be an active bystander, what actions you can take as an
active bystander and to take spontaneous and planned interventions
Tells of Sexual Abusers
Jimmy Hinton
Churches conducting more background checks,
but sex offenders still slipping through cracks
Fox News
Implicit Messages & Spiritual Injuries in Faith Communities
by Lauren Thien & Rev. Carrie Nettles
netgrace.org
This is How We Let Abuse Thrive
Wade Mullen uncovers the strategies that allow abuse to happen in the church.
by D.L. Mayfield
A Guidebook for Clergy on Sexual Assault, Trauma & Spiritual Healing
by Texas Association Against Sexual Assault
Known Offenders: 5 Things to Know
Sometimes churches are made aware of an offender’s past crimes.
In these situations, what should a faith community do when a known offender(s)
requests to become a part of your faith community months, years, or even decades after the crime was committed?
by Jimmy Hinton
When I go to churches and other organizations to train, my goal is not just to reduce vulnerabilities. While that’s important, my main goal is to train people to detect deception and intervene. Many people ask me for a checklist of things to look for in an abuser, and it really is not this simplistic. Abusers are dynamic; always changing, observing, and looking for opportunity. As soon as we create a checklist of “red flags,” they’ve already adapted and have found 100 more opportunities to abuse in 100 different ways. The good news is that if we rethink the way abusers operate, we can begin to see their “tells.”
My father once told me, from prison, that he can spot another pedophile within 30 seconds of walking into a crowded room.
Asked how he can do this with such ease, he answered, “Easy! I just watch their eyes.”
The Pedophile in the Pulpit: How a Respected Pastor Abused Hundreds of Children for 40 Years
Keeping a Church Staff Safe
A Safe Place
by Pastor Gricel Medina and Ryan Ashton
18 Ways Churches can Fight Sexual Assault
by Ruth Everhart, The Christian Century
6 Principles for Guarding Churches Against Predators
by Gricel Madina, CBE International
Church Administrative Professionals - Article on Sexual Harassment Prevention
Helping Churches Conduct Business with Excellence
9 Anti-Abuse Practices Your Church Needs To Adopt
What We Long for the Church to Do about Sexual Violence:
Four practical steps churches can take to eliminate sexual violence.
by Sally Schwer Canning and Tammy Schultz
Boz Tchividjian: A Godly Response to Abuse in the Church Environment
As recent scandals have shown, whether Catholic or Protestant, mainline or evangelical, mega church or home church,
abuse is a reality across the Christian world.
How can churches create a culture where the most vulnerable among us are safe,
where victims are heard and healed, and where abuse is not tolerated?
5 Ways Churches Can Curb Sexual Abuse
by Terrell Carter
The National Association for Christian Recovery - Things a Church Can Do
There are LOTS of things a local church can do to not be a passive bystander in the face of abuse.
Preventing and Responding to Clergy Perpetrated Sexual Abuse
A Guide to Best Practices
David K. Pooler, Ph.D., LCSW, Diana R. Garland School of Social Work / Baylor University
Strategies for Preventing Clergy Sexual Abuse
by Diana R. Garland School of Social Work / Baylor University
Why Chaperoning Abusers in Church is Unwise
by Jimmy Hinton
Leaders, Talk About Power to Protect the Vulnerable
by Chris Davis
Bystanders Protecting Children from Boundary Violations and Sexual Abuse Training
Darkness to Light
In just 30 minutes, learn what it means to be an active bystander, what actions you can take as an
active bystander and to take spontaneous and planned interventions
Tells of Sexual Abusers
Jimmy Hinton
Churches conducting more background checks,
but sex offenders still slipping through cracks
Fox News
Implicit Messages & Spiritual Injuries in Faith Communities
by Lauren Thien & Rev. Carrie Nettles
netgrace.org
This is How We Let Abuse Thrive
Wade Mullen uncovers the strategies that allow abuse to happen in the church.
by D.L. Mayfield
A Guidebook for Clergy on Sexual Assault, Trauma & Spiritual Healing
by Texas Association Against Sexual Assault
Known Offenders: 5 Things to Know
Sometimes churches are made aware of an offender’s past crimes.
In these situations, what should a faith community do when a known offender(s)
requests to become a part of your faith community months, years, or even decades after the crime was committed?
When a church responds well to a victim's disclosure of abuse that faith community can be a source of significant healing, encouragement, and hope. If the church responds poorly, it can be the source of deep and lasting pain, confusion, and emotional/spiritual injury.
Every church needs to understand...
— What it means to a victim to be believed, how it helps in the healing process
— How entire faith communities can be groomed (cognitive dissonance)
— Normal disclosure behaviors
— Common pitfalls that faith communities fall into that keep them from responding well to abuse disclosures
— Myths around abuse
— Action steps your faith community can take today to prepare itself to respond well to abuse
Every church needs to understand...
— What it means to a victim to be believed, how it helps in the healing process
— How entire faith communities can be groomed (cognitive dissonance)
— Normal disclosure behaviors
— Common pitfalls that faith communities fall into that keep them from responding well to abuse disclosures
— Myths around abuse
— Action steps your faith community can take today to prepare itself to respond well to abuse
Becoming a Church That Cares Well for the Abused
A free curriculum to train church staff and leaders
in responding well to instances of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse.
Caring Well Conference Videos
**While NotInOurChurch supports this curriculum and its contributors, we want to express our reservation and concern about the SBC & ERLC and their handling of decades of clergy abuse and relationships with clergy abuse victims and advocates. Time will tell whether the SBC & ERLC will truly address abuse and the current denomination system that fosters abuse and protects clergy that commit sexual abuse against children and adults.**
Follow up on 12/6/19: This is a very important article to read by Jimmy Hinton. SBCs Caring Well stance on abusers coddles them while keeping them hidden within the church. In this article, Jimmy points out some serious problems with pastoral care of abusers and registered sex offenders in your church.
Follow up on 12/18/19: Statement from Rachael Denhollander after SNAP article calling out SBC fund-raising email
Follow up on 1/18/2020: Continued concerning information. Another SBC/ERLC Dopey Move: Their Attorney Appears to be Contacting Victims Who Have Reached Out for Help by dee
I reached out to a fellow advocate well-acquainted with the SBC for her thoughts about the release of this curriculum. I was so impressed with her response that I asked for her permission to post it as an article along with the link to the curriculum.
SBC Curriculum: Becoming a Church That Cares Well for the Abused
by Deborah Brunt Key Truths
Many #churchtoo advocates are looking at the issue of sexual abuse, collusion and cover up within the SBC in terms of the need to challenge, help and even require individual churches to recognize and deal appropriately with abusers in their midst. It’s a very legitimate perspective and a very real need.
But there’s also a broader issue here, the issue of abusive systems. If we try to address the individual without also addressing the systemic, it’s rather like trying to help one immigrant family get out of the US government’s detention cages, without also addressing the bigger issue of the system that’s behind it all. One family is helped, which is good. And yet, the abuse just keeps reoccurring, intensifying and multiplying.
The SBC is, by design, an abusive system (read more here). An abusive system has the same characteristics as an abuser. The leaders in that system have gotten there by selling out to the system in one way or another.
If we see the SBC #churchtoo issue as, primarily, a matter of wrongdoing on the part of some individuals and churches – which the SBC as their “overseer” needs to address – we’ll also look at the response from SBC leadership in terms of individuals: “That prominent leader is a sexual abuser!” “That one is genuinely trying to help!” “That man apologized!” “That board refuses to do what’s right!”
But that approach gets us exactly the same place as when we try to figure out a narcissistic abuser by assuming he has the same qualities, feelings and motivations as other people. It keeps us in the fog that the abuser’s gaslighting creates:
To get the true picture of any and all developments in the SBC sexual abuse saga, we have to step back and look at them in this light: The SBC is an abuser.
Those of us who’ve experienced abuse have come to know the hard way: An abuser almost never changes. Instead, he changes roles and tactics as needed, to continue to protect his image and to maintain control.
The SBC is an abuser. With the uncovering of rampant, ongoing sexual abuse and collusion and cover-up in its midst, its leaders are playing the different roles an abuser plays and using the different tactics an abuser adopts.
In the first light of exposure, SBC leaders tried a little bit of everything. Like every abuser, they’re collectively analyzing as they go. Whichever tactics seem to work best at any given moment to keep the status quo, watch for the SBC to lean that way – until that tactic stops working or becomes less effective and another is needed.
All that to say: I see the #churchtoo curriculum produced by the SBC as a love-bombing tactic.
The material itself may be wonderful. To produce it, the SBC has exploited credible advocates, who truly want to help and who can offer sound advice and wise counsel grounded in years of training and experience. As a result, the curriculum may actually help in some situations, and please do not hear me minimizing that.
But, again, it is geared toward helping an individual church – within a system created and committed to abuse. And so, this curriculum is dangerous in the same way love-bombing is dangerous: It can create the illusion of real change while systemic abuse continues and multiplies.
To extend an earlier analogy: It’s as if the same government that has orchestrated the abuse of asylum seekers created a document and sent it out to the keepers of the individual cages, telling those keepers to treat the people humanely and instructing them how to do it. And then that government turned to the rest of us, pointed to those documents and said, “See! We’re the Good Guys, and we’re taking care of this. We’ve got the problem solved.”
Follow up on 12/6/19: This is a very important article to read by Jimmy Hinton. SBCs Caring Well stance on abusers coddles them while keeping them hidden within the church. In this article, Jimmy points out some serious problems with pastoral care of abusers and registered sex offenders in your church.
Follow up on 12/18/19: Statement from Rachael Denhollander after SNAP article calling out SBC fund-raising email
Follow up on 1/18/2020: Continued concerning information. Another SBC/ERLC Dopey Move: Their Attorney Appears to be Contacting Victims Who Have Reached Out for Help by dee
I reached out to a fellow advocate well-acquainted with the SBC for her thoughts about the release of this curriculum. I was so impressed with her response that I asked for her permission to post it as an article along with the link to the curriculum.
SBC Curriculum: Becoming a Church That Cares Well for the Abused
by Deborah Brunt Key Truths
Many #churchtoo advocates are looking at the issue of sexual abuse, collusion and cover up within the SBC in terms of the need to challenge, help and even require individual churches to recognize and deal appropriately with abusers in their midst. It’s a very legitimate perspective and a very real need.
But there’s also a broader issue here, the issue of abusive systems. If we try to address the individual without also addressing the systemic, it’s rather like trying to help one immigrant family get out of the US government’s detention cages, without also addressing the bigger issue of the system that’s behind it all. One family is helped, which is good. And yet, the abuse just keeps reoccurring, intensifying and multiplying.
The SBC is, by design, an abusive system (read more here). An abusive system has the same characteristics as an abuser. The leaders in that system have gotten there by selling out to the system in one way or another.
If we see the SBC #churchtoo issue as, primarily, a matter of wrongdoing on the part of some individuals and churches – which the SBC as their “overseer” needs to address – we’ll also look at the response from SBC leadership in terms of individuals: “That prominent leader is a sexual abuser!” “That one is genuinely trying to help!” “That man apologized!” “That board refuses to do what’s right!”
But that approach gets us exactly the same place as when we try to figure out a narcissistic abuser by assuming he has the same qualities, feelings and motivations as other people. It keeps us in the fog that the abuser’s gaslighting creates:
- knowing something’s very wrong but unable to pinpoint it,
- torn between believing and disbelieving the illusion the abuser creates,
- desperately trying to fix what the abuser is determined to keep broken,
- blaming ourselves when we fail.
To get the true picture of any and all developments in the SBC sexual abuse saga, we have to step back and look at them in this light: The SBC is an abuser.
Those of us who’ve experienced abuse have come to know the hard way: An abuser almost never changes. Instead, he changes roles and tactics as needed, to continue to protect his image and to maintain control.
The SBC is an abuser. With the uncovering of rampant, ongoing sexual abuse and collusion and cover-up in its midst, its leaders are playing the different roles an abuser plays and using the different tactics an abuser adopts.
In the first light of exposure, SBC leaders tried a little bit of everything. Like every abuser, they’re collectively analyzing as they go. Whichever tactics seem to work best at any given moment to keep the status quo, watch for the SBC to lean that way – until that tactic stops working or becomes less effective and another is needed.
All that to say: I see the #churchtoo curriculum produced by the SBC as a love-bombing tactic.
The material itself may be wonderful. To produce it, the SBC has exploited credible advocates, who truly want to help and who can offer sound advice and wise counsel grounded in years of training and experience. As a result, the curriculum may actually help in some situations, and please do not hear me minimizing that.
But, again, it is geared toward helping an individual church – within a system created and committed to abuse. And so, this curriculum is dangerous in the same way love-bombing is dangerous: It can create the illusion of real change while systemic abuse continues and multiplies.
To extend an earlier analogy: It’s as if the same government that has orchestrated the abuse of asylum seekers created a document and sent it out to the keepers of the individual cages, telling those keepers to treat the people humanely and instructing them how to do it. And then that government turned to the rest of us, pointed to those documents and said, “See! We’re the Good Guys, and we’re taking care of this. We’ve got the problem solved.”