Church Related Trauma - When Church Can Trigger
by Kyle J. Howard
When you lose all your relationships in the church due to standing for what is right, even those who you thought would be life-long; it is REALLY hard to build new friendships. There can be a constant cloud of suspicion hovering over every friendly Christian you encounter.
Trauma survivors develop defense mechanisms. These defense mechanisms are 100% understandable and often necessary to protect against further trauma. When the church and Christians are the source of trauma, it can be even more challenging because it’s Christ’s bride that becomes suspect. The very community Christ died to purchase and the Spirit establishes as a refuge for the wounded becomes something one seeks to flee away from rather than run to. Christians become those the traumatized seek to avoid rather than pursue for fellowship. Church related trauma is deep. Fact is, church related trauma can often have a spiritual PTS (post traumatic stress) dimension to it. The very spiritual disciplines that are intended to edify can become triggers of trauma. Church services and conferences can become sources of distress rather than edification.
If you can relate to these realities, I want you to know I understand. I am a trauma counselor who is healing from his own trauma as I seek to care for others. I’d like to offer a few quick suggestions for those who are experiencing this level of relational and spiritual pain.
When you lose all your relationships in the church due to standing for what is right, even those who you thought would be life-long; it is REALLY hard to build new friendships. There can be a constant cloud of suspicion hovering over every friendly Christian you encounter.
Trauma survivors develop defense mechanisms. These defense mechanisms are 100% understandable and often necessary to protect against further trauma. When the church and Christians are the source of trauma, it can be even more challenging because it’s Christ’s bride that becomes suspect. The very community Christ died to purchase and the Spirit establishes as a refuge for the wounded becomes something one seeks to flee away from rather than run to. Christians become those the traumatized seek to avoid rather than pursue for fellowship. Church related trauma is deep. Fact is, church related trauma can often have a spiritual PTS (post traumatic stress) dimension to it. The very spiritual disciplines that are intended to edify can become triggers of trauma. Church services and conferences can become sources of distress rather than edification.
If you can relate to these realities, I want you to know I understand. I am a trauma counselor who is healing from his own trauma as I seek to care for others. I’d like to offer a few quick suggestions for those who are experiencing this level of relational and spiritual pain.
- The church is truly essential. All Christians need it and Christian community for holistic health. But, beloved, don’t stay in any environment that is traumatizing you. If you need time away to rebuild stability, take it. Don’t take a break from God, but you chill from community.
- Christian community is one of God’s chief instruments of perseverance. Taking too long a break from community can impact your perseverance, faith, and spiritual health. Take time, but also seek to develop a theology of the church that settles in you it’s intended beauty.
- When you get to a point where you feel like you can enter a church again, you may think the best thing to do is sit in the back. Actually, it may serve you better to sit in the front. If you have PTS, sitting in back and seeing the entire crowd can quickly overwhelm and lead to panic.
- Sitting in front allows you to listen to the message without being overwhelmed by the multitude present. You can focus on the message and avoid triggering PTS due to feelings of being overwhelmed. You can take time to reflect on the Word and leave once most have walked out.
- If you make it through a full service, praise God when you get home. Thank him for the grace to do it. Celebrate with some ice cream or another treat. If you don’t make it through, do the same and just commit to try again next time. It’s not a race beloved, it’s a process.
- READ PSALMS & LAMENTATIONS! Take a break from epistles. Learn from The Word how to pray (psalms) & lament like a lonely sufferer. God has given you much in his word to comfort and identify with. Take your time with the gospels, read of the suffering of your sympathetic intercessor.
- Consider flexibility regarding secondary theological issues. Your spiritual health and vitality is more important than whether or not you agree on non-essential issues related to theology and ecclesiology. Orthodoxy is a must, but a loving community may require some flexibility.
- Consider starting this Sunday. Take a breath, look up some churches in your area, and pray about it. If it is emotionally taxing, don’t just cry, cry to God. He knows your pain & he is with you as you seek His bride. There is no shame in the pain or difficulty, beloved.