What's it Like Being the Daughter of a Survivor of Abuse Within the Church?
What’s it like being the daughter of a woman involved in a church scandal? That’s the question on everyone's mind, but they are too hesitant to ask. The real question should be, “What’s it like being the daughter of a survivor of abuse within the church?” Well, I’m happy to answer that question, right here, right now.
It’s messy. It’s beautiful. It’s empowering. It’s scary.
It’s messy because there will always be sides. There are those who don’t know her story and aren’t willing to ask. There are those who are in denial that the person they think they know and have known their whole lives could abuse. It’s messy because pride is Satan’s favorite tool, and it’s a strong one at that. It’s messy because while Satan is feasting on that pride, he’s also planting seeds of doubt, anger, and confusion. It’s hard not to be angry and confused at misplaced trust in the church.
It’s beautiful because I’ve seen church family come together in support, grace, and love. And especially forgiveness. I’ve witnessed the testimony of other survivors that now feel free to share their story. And most of all, I’ve witnessed a transformation of the woman who raised me: my mom. She stood tall from the very beginning, repenting for what she thought was sin. Once she realized she was manipulated and conned in her most vulnerable moments, she continued to own her actions while others swept facts that she was abused under the rug. As she learned the truth of what really happened to her- the traumatic reality that so many struggle to understand- she chose to be an advocate. She didn’t hide and she never has. I’ve seen joy return to her soul after years of self doubt and hatred. It’s a contagious joy now, that I love being in the presence of. I’ve seen my dad stand by her day in and day out, putting on the armor of marriage, ready to help her fight her battles. There were days, in the beginning, I honestly wasn’t sure their marriage would survive. But when you truly place the Holy Spirit as the foundation of your marriage, even in the midst of scandal, the marriage overcomes. God overcomes.
It’s empowering because I’ve walked this journey closely with my parents. I’ve followed resources they hold tight to. Resources that educate church members...husbands, wives, children, parents...in what signs of abuse to look for. As a parent, this is huge because I will do everything in my power to protect my own family and that means learning and not denying the hard truth. The church is not immune to abuse.
It’s scary because you never know when you will lose a friend due to lack of information. Or judgement. Or anger. It’s scary because no one wants to admit there is abuse within the church. And it’s scary because it didn’t hit close to home...it hit HOME.
God has been good and faithful on this journey. I’m thankful to see those who have continued to support and love my family, and continue to relentlessly seek the truth. I’m the daughter of a survivor. I’m proud of that survivor and I am thankful to God for His deliverance. She is free!
What’s it like being the daughter of a woman involved in a church scandal? That’s the question on everyone's mind, but they are too hesitant to ask. The real question should be, “What’s it like being the daughter of a survivor of abuse within the church?” Well, I’m happy to answer that question, right here, right now.
It’s messy. It’s beautiful. It’s empowering. It’s scary.
It’s messy because there will always be sides. There are those who don’t know her story and aren’t willing to ask. There are those who are in denial that the person they think they know and have known their whole lives could abuse. It’s messy because pride is Satan’s favorite tool, and it’s a strong one at that. It’s messy because while Satan is feasting on that pride, he’s also planting seeds of doubt, anger, and confusion. It’s hard not to be angry and confused at misplaced trust in the church.
It’s beautiful because I’ve seen church family come together in support, grace, and love. And especially forgiveness. I’ve witnessed the testimony of other survivors that now feel free to share their story. And most of all, I’ve witnessed a transformation of the woman who raised me: my mom. She stood tall from the very beginning, repenting for what she thought was sin. Once she realized she was manipulated and conned in her most vulnerable moments, she continued to own her actions while others swept facts that she was abused under the rug. As she learned the truth of what really happened to her- the traumatic reality that so many struggle to understand- she chose to be an advocate. She didn’t hide and she never has. I’ve seen joy return to her soul after years of self doubt and hatred. It’s a contagious joy now, that I love being in the presence of. I’ve seen my dad stand by her day in and day out, putting on the armor of marriage, ready to help her fight her battles. There were days, in the beginning, I honestly wasn’t sure their marriage would survive. But when you truly place the Holy Spirit as the foundation of your marriage, even in the midst of scandal, the marriage overcomes. God overcomes.
It’s empowering because I’ve walked this journey closely with my parents. I’ve followed resources they hold tight to. Resources that educate church members...husbands, wives, children, parents...in what signs of abuse to look for. As a parent, this is huge because I will do everything in my power to protect my own family and that means learning and not denying the hard truth. The church is not immune to abuse.
It’s scary because you never know when you will lose a friend due to lack of information. Or judgement. Or anger. It’s scary because no one wants to admit there is abuse within the church. And it’s scary because it didn’t hit close to home...it hit HOME.
God has been good and faithful on this journey. I’m thankful to see those who have continued to support and love my family, and continue to relentlessly seek the truth. I’m the daughter of a survivor. I’m proud of that survivor and I am thankful to God for His deliverance. She is free!