"To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi,
including the overseers and deacons...
And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more
in real knowledge and all discernment,
so that you may approve the things that are excellent,
in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ;
having been filled with the fruit of righteousness
which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
Paul, Philippians 2:1, 9-11
including the overseers and deacons...
And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more
in real knowledge and all discernment,
so that you may approve the things that are excellent,
in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ;
having been filled with the fruit of righteousness
which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
Paul, Philippians 2:1, 9-11
I am not a theologian nor a writer, but I have something to say so here goes. Since being groomed and seduced into inappropriate sexual activity with my predator pastor boss and that activity being discovered by my husband, my world has been turned upside down. I don’t want to go into the specific details of my abuse situation for two reasons. One, it’s a very personal story and I decide little by little what I am willing to share. Second, all victims of clergy sexual abuse have different stories and our particular situations of abuse are not the point of this article. The point of this article is that the church has a problem and I think we as the body of Christ, the body of the church, can put a stop to it.
I think it’s evident that church leadership across all denominations is failing at dealing with the problem of clergy abuse. There are thousands of victims of abuse at the hands of clergy – priests, pastors, teachers, and other ministry leaders. Victims all over the world, spanning decades. Decades of cover ups and recent cover ups by church leadership. We, the body of Christ, the people sitting in the pews, can no longer be silent and wait for our leaders to deal with abuse in our churches. We have been silent for too long. With all the stories of abuse in the church, why are we silent?
Here are my responses to some of the reasons we may be silent.
We are silent because we may think it’s not in our church. That’s someone else’s church. We are all a part of The Church. Those in The Church are our brothers and sisters. Abuse in a church is a problem for The Church.
We are silent because we think talking about our failures will hurt the gospel. Talking about our failures is honest and good. True repentance and forgiveness in the church is a beautiful picture of the gospel. To act like we as Christians are near perfect and never fail in sometimes significant ways hurts the gospel. Hiding and covering up our failures as believers and as a church hurts the gospel. Acting as though we are above the law hurts the gospel. Treating our image as more important than people hurts the gospel. Tolerating and ignoring abuse hurts the gospel. Allowing wolves to be pastors hurts the gospel.
We are silent because we think to speak up will cause division in the church, especially if we are challenging the leadership. The abuser is solely responsible for the necessity to speak up. Not the victim, not the bystanders. The abusing clergy has already caused division. Galatians 6:7 says, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap." There are consequences for our behavior. It's not the burden of a victim to protect an abuser, his family, or the church from the consequences of his behavior. And if church leadership is mishandling the situation, they are fostering sin and an unhealthy church. It then becomes the responsibility of individuals, of bystanders, to speak up.
We are silent because we misunderstand what scripture says about grace and forgiveness. When pastoral abuse is discovered and the pastor is embarrassed, we feel empathy. He has a family. Pastoring a church is all he knows how to do. How do we “kick him out”? So, in the name of grace, we either just forgive him and move on and he stays in position or we let him resign and move on to another church. The problem is, he abused another human being, a brother or sister in Christ, and statistics show he’ll likely abuse again. Scripture teaches that forgiveness is predicated on honest repentance and changed behavior. Grace does not negate the need for justice or consequences for wrongs done. God is a righteous God and injustice violates righteousness.
We are silent because we are afraid to speak up, afraid it might cost us our relationships. We are afraid if our church leadership is unhealthy and doesn’t respond appropriately to abuse, we might have to find a new church and, well, we’re comfortable at this church. Rachael Denhollander, a gymnast abused by Larry Nassar recently said “What you do when it’s your own community is the real test of how much you care.” I'm forced to ask at this point if perhaps you've placed men or an institution above God. Tolerating abuse perpetuates abuse. Diane Langberg, PhD, recently quoted John Stuart Mill (1806-1873), "A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury."
We are silent because somehow, over the years, we’ve let church leadership take away our voice. We’ve become convinced that we aren’t smart enough to understand scripture. We put our faith and trust in leaders to advise us in all things. We have a surrogate Jesus in our priest or pastor, so we get lazy. We’re fine being spoon-fed on Sunday mornings and not having to really study the Bible intently, pray earnestly ourselves, or be led personally by the Holy Spirit. I am confident in referring to scripture because 1 John 2:26-29 says, “These things I have written to you concerning those who are trying to deceive you. As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him. Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming. If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone also who practices righteousness is born of Him.”
John is telling us as those who are saved, therefore “little children”, we have received the anointing of the Holy Spirit who now abides in us. He is our primary teacher. When I submit my motives to Him before reading scripture, He will show me truth. I can discern truth with the help of the Holy Spirit. I don’t have to rely solely on a pastor, speaker, or someone with a degree in theology to tell me what the Bible says about living a life pleasing to God. I don’t have to learn God’s will for my life from clergy. In 1 Corinthians 2, Paul tells us he doesn’t have “superiority of speech or of wisdom.” He says, “I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.” The church is a body, with a head--Christ. The body is both the leadership and the congregation. Paul tells the saints in Ephesus, “And He (God) put all things in subjection under His feet and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.”
In Philippians, Paul is writing to the church of Philippi. See that? He’s writing to a church. So, we, the church, can listen. Paul says, “Paul and Timothy, bond-servants of Christ Jesus, To all the saints holy ones in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, including the overseers and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.”
So, with all of us being the church, Paul goes on to pray this prayer for us: “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”
God wants us all, the church—congregants (saints) and leaders—to grow in knowledge and discernment, approve of the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless. God wants us, first the saints, then leadership, to discern and approve of excellence. God wants the church to be sincere and blameless. Paul’s letter is to the saints! Overseers and deacons are mentioned as “included.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love pastors and I am thankful for their many hours in the word and study to speak God’s Word to me. I believe we should honor, pray for, and appreciate our church leadership. We should take good care of our pastors and their families! What I am saying is pastors and elders don’t have special access to God. We all have equal access to Him. He equips us all. Each of us can enter into the same deeply intimate relationship with the Savior. And God doesn’t give elders and pastors any more wisdom than He gives us. It’s all ours with asking, studying, spending time with Him and in His word. I must be careful that I am not following the pastor, that I am not in awe of the pastor, that I am not worshiping the pastor. That the pastor is not the head of my life. I must follow Christ, be in awe of Christ, and worship Christ as the Head of both my life and my church. And I must measure all teaching against the context of scripture.
We are silent because pastors are just human and humans sin. Pastors sin. What does God have to say to “overseers and deacons”? In 1 Timothy 2, Paul tells Timothy, “It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things. Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households. For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.” We want to be gracious and think of our pastors and leaders as just human, sinners like all of us. And they are sinners just like all of us. They are human. But the call to church leadership is a special calling. It is sacred. We look to clergy and elders for godly counsel. We trust them in a way we may not trust anyone else in our life. They pray with us. They know our secrets and the sin we struggle with. They promise us confidentiality. And even though we are capable of discerning scripture, we look to clergy to teach us. They are in a special position. They have taken an oath before God to shepherd us, to look after us, to point us always in the direction of Jesus. They are whom we turn to in our most vulnerable times. In fact, often we turn to clergy before we approach God for ourselves. They are nurturers. Nurturers like parents (adults), doctors, teachers and pastors are always responsible for the integrity of the relationship with those they nurture. Diane Langberg, PhD, says, "Any church leader who feeds themselves rather than feeding the sheep is a counterfeit shepherd. Anyone in a position of power within the body of Christ who abuses a lamb or hides the abuse done to the one the Good Shepherd knows and calls by name has profaned the name of our God."
We are silent because we can’t believe that a pastor would do that. We were warned in scripture that there would be wolves, false prophets and impostors in the church. Not all clergy are true shepherds. Not all clergy point us in the direction of Jesus. Jesus Himself warned us there would be wolves in sheep’s clothing, false prophets. There would be those in our church that look the Christian part, but that would seek to steal, kill and destroy us. They are wicked. But they don’t look wicked. They are charmers. Look at what Jesus says in Matthew 7. “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’”
Jesus warned us that there would be those in our churches who look and act the part, but in reality, practice lawlessness. There will be times when wolves get away with evil for a time before their real fruit becomes evident. What do we do? We keep our eyes open. We are watchful. We, as a body of believers, discern our leadership. We hold them accountable to be good shepherds. Lovingly hold them accountable. We insist that there be practices, policies and procedures that protect the body of the church. From domestic violence, child abuse, clergy abuse, and abuse of vulnerable adults. We insist that both the leadership and the congregants take care of the wounded, those in our body who have been abused. If their fruit shows them to be a wolf, we fire them.
We are silent because we think it’s the job of the elders/leaders to deal with clergy abuse. For all these years, we have counted on our church leadership to hold one another accountable. Recent news stories and other personal stories confirm that this often fails. Clergy abuse is covered up, abusive clergy are allowed to stay in ministry, victims are ignored and silenced at best, shamed and outcast at worst, and bystanders are silenced. It’s time for the body of Christ, the people in the pews, to stand up and say, “enough.” It’s time for the body of Christ to put pressure on church leadership to stop clergy abuse. To recognize and call out wolves in the church. Then to dress the wounds and take care of their victims! We, the body of Christ, the people, can and have the godly responsibility to stand up and say, “enough!”.
What does “standing up” look like? It’s not unloving. It’s not divisive. But it’s insistent.
At notinourchurch.com, we have hundreds of links to educate church leadership and church congregations about abuse and how to prevent it. Links about clergy abuse, child abuse and domestic violence. Links about abusers and what to look for to spot their tactics. And links about taking care of victims/survivors in the church body. Your church body can come together and decide what abuse prevention at your church will look like. How you will make your church safe from all kinds of abuse.
The church is too often enabling abusers and failing their victims. We, the people in the pews, can fix this problem if we take it seriously and take bold action to make a difference.
I think it’s evident that church leadership across all denominations is failing at dealing with the problem of clergy abuse. There are thousands of victims of abuse at the hands of clergy – priests, pastors, teachers, and other ministry leaders. Victims all over the world, spanning decades. Decades of cover ups and recent cover ups by church leadership. We, the body of Christ, the people sitting in the pews, can no longer be silent and wait for our leaders to deal with abuse in our churches. We have been silent for too long. With all the stories of abuse in the church, why are we silent?
Here are my responses to some of the reasons we may be silent.
We are silent because we may think it’s not in our church. That’s someone else’s church. We are all a part of The Church. Those in The Church are our brothers and sisters. Abuse in a church is a problem for The Church.
We are silent because we think talking about our failures will hurt the gospel. Talking about our failures is honest and good. True repentance and forgiveness in the church is a beautiful picture of the gospel. To act like we as Christians are near perfect and never fail in sometimes significant ways hurts the gospel. Hiding and covering up our failures as believers and as a church hurts the gospel. Acting as though we are above the law hurts the gospel. Treating our image as more important than people hurts the gospel. Tolerating and ignoring abuse hurts the gospel. Allowing wolves to be pastors hurts the gospel.
We are silent because we think to speak up will cause division in the church, especially if we are challenging the leadership. The abuser is solely responsible for the necessity to speak up. Not the victim, not the bystanders. The abusing clergy has already caused division. Galatians 6:7 says, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap." There are consequences for our behavior. It's not the burden of a victim to protect an abuser, his family, or the church from the consequences of his behavior. And if church leadership is mishandling the situation, they are fostering sin and an unhealthy church. It then becomes the responsibility of individuals, of bystanders, to speak up.
We are silent because we misunderstand what scripture says about grace and forgiveness. When pastoral abuse is discovered and the pastor is embarrassed, we feel empathy. He has a family. Pastoring a church is all he knows how to do. How do we “kick him out”? So, in the name of grace, we either just forgive him and move on and he stays in position or we let him resign and move on to another church. The problem is, he abused another human being, a brother or sister in Christ, and statistics show he’ll likely abuse again. Scripture teaches that forgiveness is predicated on honest repentance and changed behavior. Grace does not negate the need for justice or consequences for wrongs done. God is a righteous God and injustice violates righteousness.
We are silent because we are afraid to speak up, afraid it might cost us our relationships. We are afraid if our church leadership is unhealthy and doesn’t respond appropriately to abuse, we might have to find a new church and, well, we’re comfortable at this church. Rachael Denhollander, a gymnast abused by Larry Nassar recently said “What you do when it’s your own community is the real test of how much you care.” I'm forced to ask at this point if perhaps you've placed men or an institution above God. Tolerating abuse perpetuates abuse. Diane Langberg, PhD, recently quoted John Stuart Mill (1806-1873), "A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury."
We are silent because somehow, over the years, we’ve let church leadership take away our voice. We’ve become convinced that we aren’t smart enough to understand scripture. We put our faith and trust in leaders to advise us in all things. We have a surrogate Jesus in our priest or pastor, so we get lazy. We’re fine being spoon-fed on Sunday mornings and not having to really study the Bible intently, pray earnestly ourselves, or be led personally by the Holy Spirit. I am confident in referring to scripture because 1 John 2:26-29 says, “These things I have written to you concerning those who are trying to deceive you. As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him. Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming. If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone also who practices righteousness is born of Him.”
John is telling us as those who are saved, therefore “little children”, we have received the anointing of the Holy Spirit who now abides in us. He is our primary teacher. When I submit my motives to Him before reading scripture, He will show me truth. I can discern truth with the help of the Holy Spirit. I don’t have to rely solely on a pastor, speaker, or someone with a degree in theology to tell me what the Bible says about living a life pleasing to God. I don’t have to learn God’s will for my life from clergy. In 1 Corinthians 2, Paul tells us he doesn’t have “superiority of speech or of wisdom.” He says, “I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.” The church is a body, with a head--Christ. The body is both the leadership and the congregation. Paul tells the saints in Ephesus, “And He (God) put all things in subjection under His feet and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.”
In Philippians, Paul is writing to the church of Philippi. See that? He’s writing to a church. So, we, the church, can listen. Paul says, “Paul and Timothy, bond-servants of Christ Jesus, To all the saints holy ones in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, including the overseers and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.”
So, with all of us being the church, Paul goes on to pray this prayer for us: “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”
God wants us all, the church—congregants (saints) and leaders—to grow in knowledge and discernment, approve of the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless. God wants us, first the saints, then leadership, to discern and approve of excellence. God wants the church to be sincere and blameless. Paul’s letter is to the saints! Overseers and deacons are mentioned as “included.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love pastors and I am thankful for their many hours in the word and study to speak God’s Word to me. I believe we should honor, pray for, and appreciate our church leadership. We should take good care of our pastors and their families! What I am saying is pastors and elders don’t have special access to God. We all have equal access to Him. He equips us all. Each of us can enter into the same deeply intimate relationship with the Savior. And God doesn’t give elders and pastors any more wisdom than He gives us. It’s all ours with asking, studying, spending time with Him and in His word. I must be careful that I am not following the pastor, that I am not in awe of the pastor, that I am not worshiping the pastor. That the pastor is not the head of my life. I must follow Christ, be in awe of Christ, and worship Christ as the Head of both my life and my church. And I must measure all teaching against the context of scripture.
We are silent because pastors are just human and humans sin. Pastors sin. What does God have to say to “overseers and deacons”? In 1 Timothy 2, Paul tells Timothy, “It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things. Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households. For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.” We want to be gracious and think of our pastors and leaders as just human, sinners like all of us. And they are sinners just like all of us. They are human. But the call to church leadership is a special calling. It is sacred. We look to clergy and elders for godly counsel. We trust them in a way we may not trust anyone else in our life. They pray with us. They know our secrets and the sin we struggle with. They promise us confidentiality. And even though we are capable of discerning scripture, we look to clergy to teach us. They are in a special position. They have taken an oath before God to shepherd us, to look after us, to point us always in the direction of Jesus. They are whom we turn to in our most vulnerable times. In fact, often we turn to clergy before we approach God for ourselves. They are nurturers. Nurturers like parents (adults), doctors, teachers and pastors are always responsible for the integrity of the relationship with those they nurture. Diane Langberg, PhD, says, "Any church leader who feeds themselves rather than feeding the sheep is a counterfeit shepherd. Anyone in a position of power within the body of Christ who abuses a lamb or hides the abuse done to the one the Good Shepherd knows and calls by name has profaned the name of our God."
We are silent because we can’t believe that a pastor would do that. We were warned in scripture that there would be wolves, false prophets and impostors in the church. Not all clergy are true shepherds. Not all clergy point us in the direction of Jesus. Jesus Himself warned us there would be wolves in sheep’s clothing, false prophets. There would be those in our church that look the Christian part, but that would seek to steal, kill and destroy us. They are wicked. But they don’t look wicked. They are charmers. Look at what Jesus says in Matthew 7. “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’”
Jesus warned us that there would be those in our churches who look and act the part, but in reality, practice lawlessness. There will be times when wolves get away with evil for a time before their real fruit becomes evident. What do we do? We keep our eyes open. We are watchful. We, as a body of believers, discern our leadership. We hold them accountable to be good shepherds. Lovingly hold them accountable. We insist that there be practices, policies and procedures that protect the body of the church. From domestic violence, child abuse, clergy abuse, and abuse of vulnerable adults. We insist that both the leadership and the congregants take care of the wounded, those in our body who have been abused. If their fruit shows them to be a wolf, we fire them.
We are silent because we think it’s the job of the elders/leaders to deal with clergy abuse. For all these years, we have counted on our church leadership to hold one another accountable. Recent news stories and other personal stories confirm that this often fails. Clergy abuse is covered up, abusive clergy are allowed to stay in ministry, victims are ignored and silenced at best, shamed and outcast at worst, and bystanders are silenced. It’s time for the body of Christ, the people in the pews, to stand up and say, “enough.” It’s time for the body of Christ to put pressure on church leadership to stop clergy abuse. To recognize and call out wolves in the church. Then to dress the wounds and take care of their victims! We, the body of Christ, the people, can and have the godly responsibility to stand up and say, “enough!”.
What does “standing up” look like? It’s not unloving. It’s not divisive. But it’s insistent.
- It’s insisting your church leadership put practices in place to keep church safe.
- It’s being willing to leave if they won’t. As Boz Tchividjian says, "Sometimes an abuse producing system has to be starved by depriving it of money and people. Feeding it will empower it and provide it with more precious lives to consume and destroy."
- Leadership may not listen to one person, but it’s hard to ignore a crowd. So, it’s getting together and collectively advocating for change, for attention to address and prevent abuse.
- It’s having a reasonable expectation that elders and pastors exhibit the fruit of the spirit--love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Abuse takes many forms, physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual.
- It’s understanding that scripture says there will be impostors in the church. We are at war with the evil one. Impostors will look and act like pastors. But honest discernment by the church body will reveal their true nature over time, especially if they get caught. Jesus asked us to be watchful.
- It’s asking your leadership, staff, and volunteers to regularly participate in harassment education, awareness and training.
- It’s listening to and believing a victim once they report. It’s bringing in credible, outside investigators to determine the extent of the abuse and if there are other victims.
- It's having the courage to deal with abusive leaders. To get them out of leadership so they can’t hurt anyone else. To prosecute if they have committed a crime. It takes a village to allow abuse to happen and it takes a village to prevent it and stop it. If we stop being silent bystanders and get involved, we can make our churches the safe haven for all that God intended them to be. A place filled with leaders and people that love and minister to all. A place where people feel safe to bring their fears and vulnerabilities. Where they come to meet Jesus and be ministered to by his followers. To become followers and introduce others to Him.
At notinourchurch.com, we have hundreds of links to educate church leadership and church congregations about abuse and how to prevent it. Links about clergy abuse, child abuse and domestic violence. Links about abusers and what to look for to spot their tactics. And links about taking care of victims/survivors in the church body. Your church body can come together and decide what abuse prevention at your church will look like. How you will make your church safe from all kinds of abuse.
The church is too often enabling abusers and failing their victims. We, the people in the pews, can fix this problem if we take it seriously and take bold action to make a difference.
In the triangle of abuse, you see the abuser, the victim, and the onlookers from the outside world.
The hidden dynamic of abuse almost always unites the outside world with the abuser.
If that changed and the onlookers united with the victims, abuse would come to a halt.
Bob Hamp
So often, rather than suffer involvement with messy injustices and corrupt systems,
we choose to the quiet/easy way,
and sin against Justice himself rather than allow
the suffering of others and the injustices
they live with daily to alter our schedules, comfort level and tidy lives.
Diane Langberg, PhD
The hidden dynamic of abuse almost always unites the outside world with the abuser.
If that changed and the onlookers united with the victims, abuse would come to a halt.
Bob Hamp
So often, rather than suffer involvement with messy injustices and corrupt systems,
we choose to the quiet/easy way,
and sin against Justice himself rather than allow
the suffering of others and the injustices
they live with daily to alter our schedules, comfort level and tidy lives.
Diane Langberg, PhD
Articles
A Letter to Congregations
Safe Connections: What Parishioners Can Do to Understand and Prevent Clergy Sexual Abuse
by Reverend Jan Erickson-Pearson
Dear Church: Hear the Word of the Lord
Diane Langberg, PhD
Why Churches Disbelieve Victims and Believe Pastoral Abusers
by Mike, Listen Carefully
When We Neglect the Millstone, We Cast Stones at the Survivor
by Mary DeMuth
5 Ways You Might be Enabling Abuse in the Church
by Kristy Burmeister
How to Confront a Toxic Pastor in a Toxic Church
by F. Remi Diederich
Sex Offenders Groom Churches Too
by Kimi Harris
7 Ways Congregations Can Respond to the #MeToo Movement
by General Commission on the Status & Role of Women
Our 'Sin of the Bystander' Enables Sex Abuse. We Must Change
by Kathy Manis Findley
Wade Mullen: Church Abuse and Cover-up
Almost Heretical Podcast
Tim interviews Wade Mullen, a professor who researches the ways
evangelical churches and organizations try to cover up abuse and protect their image.
Tim and Wade discuss why both abuse and the cover-up of abuse
are so prevalent in evangelical churches and how to know if your church and its leaders are lying to you.
Be Wary of Churches Breaking the Silence
by Deborah Brunt
Why We Must Emphasize a Pastor's Character Over His Skill
by Tim Challies (ChurchLeaders.com)
How Society Gaslights Survivors of Narcissists, Sociopaths & Psychopaths
A Guide for Therapists, Law Enforcement & Loved Ones
by Shahida Arabi
6 Reasons Why Sexual Predators Target Churches
by Tim Challies (ChurchLeaders.com)
Dear Church: Stop Trying to Convert Wolves
by Jimmy Hinton
How to Spot Sexual Abuse in Your Church
Spiritual Abuse: When It is Time to Leave
RickThomas.net
Evangelical Churches Can Become 'Seedbeds for Rape Culture', Seminary Professor Says
by Samuel Smith, The Christian Post
The Abusers We Have Not Seen
by Deborah Brunt - Key Truths
Empathy: 5 Tips for Taking the Plunge
Mending the Soul
Bystander Responsibility
Mary DeMuth
A Letter to Congregations
Safe Connections: What Parishioners Can Do to Understand and Prevent Clergy Sexual Abuse
by Reverend Jan Erickson-Pearson
Dear Church: Hear the Word of the Lord
Diane Langberg, PhD
Why Churches Disbelieve Victims and Believe Pastoral Abusers
by Mike, Listen Carefully
When We Neglect the Millstone, We Cast Stones at the Survivor
by Mary DeMuth
5 Ways You Might be Enabling Abuse in the Church
by Kristy Burmeister
How to Confront a Toxic Pastor in a Toxic Church
by F. Remi Diederich
Sex Offenders Groom Churches Too
by Kimi Harris
7 Ways Congregations Can Respond to the #MeToo Movement
by General Commission on the Status & Role of Women
Our 'Sin of the Bystander' Enables Sex Abuse. We Must Change
by Kathy Manis Findley
Wade Mullen: Church Abuse and Cover-up
Almost Heretical Podcast
Tim interviews Wade Mullen, a professor who researches the ways
evangelical churches and organizations try to cover up abuse and protect their image.
Tim and Wade discuss why both abuse and the cover-up of abuse
are so prevalent in evangelical churches and how to know if your church and its leaders are lying to you.
Be Wary of Churches Breaking the Silence
by Deborah Brunt
Why We Must Emphasize a Pastor's Character Over His Skill
by Tim Challies (ChurchLeaders.com)
How Society Gaslights Survivors of Narcissists, Sociopaths & Psychopaths
A Guide for Therapists, Law Enforcement & Loved Ones
by Shahida Arabi
6 Reasons Why Sexual Predators Target Churches
by Tim Challies (ChurchLeaders.com)
Dear Church: Stop Trying to Convert Wolves
by Jimmy Hinton
How to Spot Sexual Abuse in Your Church
Spiritual Abuse: When It is Time to Leave
RickThomas.net
Evangelical Churches Can Become 'Seedbeds for Rape Culture', Seminary Professor Says
by Samuel Smith, The Christian Post
The Abusers We Have Not Seen
by Deborah Brunt - Key Truths
Empathy: 5 Tips for Taking the Plunge
Mending the Soul
Bystander Responsibility
Mary DeMuth
The true Church is not a place; it is a Person;
it is a Head with a body.
And as in the physical realm--
a body that does not follow its head is a sick body.
Diane Langberg, PhD
it is a Head with a body.
And as in the physical realm--
a body that does not follow its head is a sick body.
Diane Langberg, PhD
Every human being has been created in the image of God and thus bears His likeness.
Yet, humans have for centuries been crushing image bearers back to clay,
which means we are literally undoing the work of our God while saying we are His people.
To abuse another is to crush them back to clay --
a distorted or even unrecognizable clod...though the image is always there.
In doing so, we have partnered with the sworn enemy of God.
To return to clay is called death and death comes in many forms.
When the church returns a wife to a violent man
-- or protects some Christian leader who sexually abuses precious image bearers --
then the church meant to follow her tending, protecting, shaping us into glory Head
-- has instead crushed someone back to clay.
Diane Langberg, PhD
Yet, humans have for centuries been crushing image bearers back to clay,
which means we are literally undoing the work of our God while saying we are His people.
To abuse another is to crush them back to clay --
a distorted or even unrecognizable clod...though the image is always there.
In doing so, we have partnered with the sworn enemy of God.
To return to clay is called death and death comes in many forms.
When the church returns a wife to a violent man
-- or protects some Christian leader who sexually abuses precious image bearers --
then the church meant to follow her tending, protecting, shaping us into glory Head
-- has instead crushed someone back to clay.
Diane Langberg, PhD