Common for Adult Victims of Clergy Sexual Abuse

I’ve talked to a number of adult victims of clergy sexual abuse in the last year. Common to all

1. Pastor groomed for a while, sometimes years.
2. The victims were trauma bonded by the time the pastor tested the sexual boundary.
3. The victim initially rejected the ​sexual advance.
4. They treaded lightly as they rejected because of the power differential and they were afraid of the pastor.
5. The pastor did not take no for an answer and relentlessly persisted.
6. The pastors had similar grooming tactics such as sharing the “secret” that they were in unloving marriages and neglected. Also anger, threats & gaslighting.
7. The pastor used God and Scripture as part of grooming.
8. The abuse got progressively worse and sexual over time, not immediately.
9. The victims felt they had nowhere to turn. No one would believe them or understand.
10. They knew the pastor was untouchable.
11. The pastor convinced them it was their fault.
12. The pastor threatened to kill victim or self if it was discovered.
13. After discovery, the elders mishandled the abuse, sin-leveled and victim-blamed.
14. The pastor got sympathy and the victim got judged & discarded.
15. The victims all took responsibility before they learned it was sexual abuse so they are not trying to avoid taking responsibility by calling it abuse.
16. The victims struggle with severe trauma. PTSD
17. The victims are some of the most courageous people I’ve ever met.
18. The victims want truth in the light even at great cost to themselves.
19. The pastors never took responsibility.

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